Ballerina Page 5

  Sandra: “I think you are overreacting Jennifer. Are you sure he was telling you something about murdering?” I put my hands covered my face and sobbing: “I don’t know. Please. What we are talking about now? He is gone and the case is closed. It seems like you are accusing me for nothing”. Sandra: “It’s not true. It feels like you make my eyes peering out into the night! Jennifer it is not to be sneezed at. This is matter of life and death. Consider to your father, I am quite sure that he wasn’t much of a liar either”. Jennifer: “Oh yap. Let me refresh your mind. Do you remember that day, that I should stay at home because of my stomachache? He came home with a woman. They drank some glasses of wine and then he got her to the bedroom. Then she began to sing that I thought I was going to pass out and my heart leaped out of my chest to that terrible voice.

  In this dangerous and penetrating world

  deep in the heart of my slums rundown

  lies impenetrable safe house filled with gold

  I struggle open a place for the children of God

  A world that no words could delineate

  in gracious and mercy of Lord

  Then the world will melt and seep through

  The cracks in the flow

  Through their feelings as if their minds

  Will be vacant and their hearts will hollow

  Then these children of God,

  with their eyes like a forest,

  Moss and leaves,

  Bark and soils,

  and timorous heart of a doe

  they sink their own hands

  into the thin flesh of their chests

  Hook like a fish each rib,

  and peel them back like stiffened

  Pages of an old book

  Except their words engrave into the bone

  the elegant scrawl

  will be a language foreign to any soul

  they’ve sent to the war

  Brain washed as a martyr

  They make them like the jellyfish

  In their neurons

  Waves dancing in their ocean

  of heavenly goal

  Then they make them sleep tangled

  Between their aims and dreams

  Whispering their voices in their ears;

  “You’ve got to scarify your soul

  or we throw you into that hole

  we just want to find you place

  For you to stand,

  and move the world for you

  that’s the moment we

  Want to look at you

  No speech will be left in you

  Then your tongue will break

  and will fire races under your skin

  Then you will tremble, and grow pale

  If you don’t die, scarify your soul

  Within all of you will vary

  Amount of space lint and star dust

  the residue from our creation

  will be for you

  Such a disgusting and miserable day I’ve gone through! What he did, Ignored to all that and then took me to the grave-yard and even he was going to rape me too. You should see how he found himself strangely interested in a rather ugly bitch like that brass rat. So, don’t say I am putting up something here. I believe he was significance a warning by the time he mentioned something about a killing matter”. Sandra looked at her picture on the wall together with him in frame and with a crying voice said: “Oh mine. I can remember, we were dining in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous redhead sat at the next table. Tom your father which he hated it when I called him by Tommy, he had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her, because I had my wide eyes on him. You’re right; he was kind of perverse man in his life. Anyway, suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye flew out of its socked towards him (your father), and he reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. Then the woman said: oh my, I am sorry, as she pops her eye back on place. It made me to break into laugh and then I glared at her. So then your father apologized to it. (It got a little silence. Sandra crossed her hands and was very eager to have her say). How come on the earth, he closed the wicked paths of Satan, evil and corrupt? He could just wound up a convict criminal in a tiny, dark cell, instead of jumping off from that window?” This time, she for a moment angrily, grumbling gathered her wits and belligerently asked me for a glass of water. While I was leaving her there to get her the water I said very softly to her: “I am glad you seem to be doing much better now. Aren’t you?” She turned her voice little growling and kind of warning sound said: “Don’t start to weird me out of it please. I think it is high valued as we talk about it another time. I’m becoming myself embarrassed to admit it how he was so stubborn type and foolish. Five hundred and fifty five times I said to five hundred and fifty six people, lawyers and doctors, never trust them, don’t say them you want to live, just say how to be alive!. They are poles apart, to be alive and to live”. It occurred a little smile on my face, and then…………………

  I study at college, my lovely and favorite Ithaca College and that day on the way back home; while I was driving down a road I saw some of the bickers of a huge gang members harassing a poor girl. Three wild-looking motorcyclists roared up-bearded, leather-jacketed. I slowed down, and sure enough, infuriated I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to one of them. He was a huge guy, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. I just ripped the chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron.

  All of a sudden, the other two hopped up on their bikes and starting to get a away from there. I took the girl into my car; she was looking very surprised at me. Her attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Sneered one of the bikers angrily: “We’ll meet again and I suggest you’ve better to get a gun girl”. She was kind of thrilled to hear that grumbling voice of that biker. I just laughed and tried to comfort her and then we drove quickly from there.

  There were several people in black suits and with grief faces standing around my father’s casket in the grave-yard. He is dead and he was surly taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil and he’s passing sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners and he’s going to recognize as a lawyer (liar), where it meant to be and devil will jab him with his pitchfork. The priest preaches his little gospel. I never understood that my father had so many friends. The weather made me crazy. I really burnt me boiled off it was that hot. I saw a look of such utter despair on his (priest) face. He was trying to preach last moment and soon gets home. “The moment we cease to hold one another…the sun engulfs us and the light goes out”. A little blond girl is standing close to her mother and sobbing. Her mother had her hand and squeezing tight in hers and gazing at a black guy with eyes full of fire. Then she put her head down and listening to the priest. She had a black hat and a veil on her face. I was guessing, she might be one of my father’s divorced wives whom appeared here after all these years in case, figured to collect some inheritance money. Everybody grief bereft and soaking for burst to tears. Suddenly that woman started to cry so load and under circumstances the priest should stopped to preach. Then People started to place their flowers on the open casket. They came up to me and they said; they felt with me in my loss. In short I didn’t want to use any of the typical clichés that are typically used such as telling; it will be ok. The time will heal all your wounds. It was ok to cry with them. The bible tells us to mourn with those who mourn. But what loss! They don’t understand for a minute, what kind of life I’ve gone through with that creature! If they thought, it was a loss, they didn’t really know me. They didn’t know him either—or rather; they knew him the way most people knew him. By the time when the priest was getting close to us I saw that woman, her eyes grew wide and then she breathed a sigh of relief.

  I don’t know s
he had the crocodile tears, but she played a very professional game as to get attention from priest to her. A stingy middle average woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal decision was determined to prove whatever she demanded after much thoughts and considerations, chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his (My father) money with her after she’s been sure he’s dead. What is she thinking of this image of my father in that casket! A man lay dead in there and smells money! She gathered her remaining strength, then with a decisive decision lifter her breasts and leaning them on priest’s chest, squeezed them and then slowly made her way out of here. She with even greater effort forced herself up to her car, gripping the steering-wheel with both hands. With labor breathe, she leaned against the door and gazing into the road. Was it one final act of heroic hate from her devoted man, or saw it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, that’s why she threw herself in the priest’s chest. Landing on her knees in a cramped posture and how then his (priest) parched lips parted, then at the same time, wondrous taste of money was already get in her mouth, or obviously seemingly bringing him (my father) back to life?! I should surprise said: Hello, this is just a funeral. Do not expect anything else.

  Let him be now he is free, he can’t return

  Get back to your house for which ever yearn

  You’re the only family whom he never loved at least

  Let him be he’s free, cover up your bloody breast

  Do you think he loved you as a wife?

  Or maybe he should slashed you with a knife

  What if he could bonk you on the head?

  Threw you onto the garbage until you dead

  Believe or not, my father was a really greedy lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the old saying, YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU. After much thought and consideration, this jack ass with her jackanapes kid chaser finally figured out how to get at least some of his (my father) money with her until she found out he died. I know what was she thinking when she was staring at the casket, “(he should have had put the money in that casket with him)”! We were standing before the open casket and the people consoling us one by one and then place their flowers beside the casket.

  The priest for last time came to us and very morally said: “I know this must be very hard blow for you, but we must remember that, what we see here is the husk only, the shell…… the nut has gone to the heaven. Considering to the FBI, s report; they found him at the bottom of the ocean. They hauled him to the deck and firmly it was attached to his butt an oyster and it had a Pearl”. I just very quick and with a smile on my mouth I said to him: “Hey. Hey. This is my father’s funeral! He jumped off of the window. You got to be mixed up with the other ceremony”.

  Then he mustered up some strength, and then he said weakly: “Oh, I’m sorry. It seems I was mixed up as you said. But anyway, I console to you and MRS. Sandra Bronson”. The ceremony finally ended and pall bearers carried the casket and we left there back to Home.

  One year is gone and I was invited to a big ballet competition. That was a shock and it kept me amused when they called for me to that entertainment. One day before the entertainment and passing through a small alley, noticed a musty little clothes shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time.

  It seemed very out of place in the busy city. We curiosity were piqued and then we entered the shop. The store didn’t seem to have much traffic, but the shelves were full of clothes and interesting items. I was found myself strangely interested in a rather a nice and beautiful ballet dress hanging by the shelf behind the counter. So beautiful it was, but I had never seen anything like it. It was so incredibly detailed, and life-like. I asked the shopkeeper for a price. Sandra came upon the counter and looked at it. Her face was shining with a gorgeous smile and admired my choice. I was pleased to learn that I could acquire the dress for only 25 dollars, and I handed the shopkeeper the money. But, before giving the dress, the shopkeeper sternly warned me: “This sale is final. If you leave the shop with this dress, I won’t take it back under any circumstances”. I looked strangely at Sandra and she pulled up her eyes borrow pointed to the exit door. I was stubborn and with no excuse thought the warning was curious, given that the dress only cost 25 dollars. Even if I decided I hated the dress, which was hardly an amount worth worrying about. I agreed to the shopkeeper’s terms, and we left with the dress. We were laughing so loud his warning and walked back towards our car. The shopkeeper started to following milling about our feet with his eyes. We got home and I tried that dress. Oh, my. I felt I was flying. The day after, I was in that entertainment. Today I have to carry me off my feet. I put my dress and shoes on and have to go all the way long to that big hall. I am kind of filled in sweat through my body and face. The crowd is huge, thousands. They are speaking and rejoice elicits rapture and cheering:

  “Look, how she moves gracefully with elegant movements. She with a great attitude and great turn’s movement’s float away, so light and her arms movements are so elegance”.

  The crowd was emotionally showing their approval. Suddenly I twisted my leg and fell on the floor. A hush fell over the crowd. She (Sandra) not wanting to be out done by herself wearing a worse frock and hat than what considered not to be stared at, opened her wide mouth and wondering to jump into the floor and raise me up. But, however, I rose to my feet and back to dance again. Suddenly, I felt I caught in a spin of electrifying, exhilarating excitement! Ballet is an elite form of dancing that requires much foot muscle movement, and suspension on the toes. I could hear mumbling through the crowd, they say:

  “She is a true ballerina. Look at her ballets dress how so beautiful, crème color, with spangles shining like diamond.

  Yap, imagine, 25 dollars dress how amazed them!

  “Look at her hair, how tightly are scheduled. She is striking beautiful, look at her eyes, how they are shining. Vow, how she is dancing so easily on her ballets shoes”!

  Those who watched were spell bound. The following day, back to the wardrobe, Sandra tried to play the fool with me. She said: “The crowd went crazy with joy”. Jennifer: “But did you see when I fell how my face was burning of flush to red?!” Sandra: “You danced more beautiful than you ever had before. As matter fact, first I was anxious about you but I was within hearing while the crowd was talking good about you”. Suddenly, I quickly moved very softly scoffs, grumbling up the bench where I sat down and started to stagger out the door. She stumbled in the side door and very politely, but more firmly, refused me to leave and then said with her voice rising in indignation: “Ok, ok, calm down. Don’t feel embarrassed and scuff away so quickly. Why you limping something awful rather disgusted with yourself! Remember the first purpose of dance is ritual-appeasing a nature spirit or accompanying a rite of passage. But losing yourself in rhythmic moment with other people is an easy form of intoxication. Could you tell me once and for all, why you relieved your feel that way? You are so hissed, blushing furiously and exciting your hope to a nightmare!” This time I jumped to her arms and I don’t know why I sobbed my heart out! I could feel the cold and heavy drops of sweat falling from my neck down. She started looking at me with her bright eyes. There was a silence for some minutes. She tried to humor me and took my hand and put me back on the bench again. She really didn’t like that and her reaction wasn’t so appreciated well enough but through clenched teeth she mumbling said: “Are you really aware of that, just for a second forgetting about your father and your past? Cross my heart these things happening to most family in the entire world. Now go back to the floor and finish your entertainment with the others girls. They are certainly waiting for you. Please don’t get hissy, just think to this successful moment of your life. Just concentrate to what it needs to be done. About your father, how moronic, deceitful, lying piece of shit, but he’s gone. Just forget it please”. I was struggling to decide to finish the show and go straight home and co
llapsing into bed. She trips and falls face frits on the floor there and waiting if I could satisfy my urge and then, I’m standing in a long row and strolling my eyes around to the crowd. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands kneading my shoulders, back, and neck. I turned around, but I didn’t see anybody. I thought for a second I was hallucinating. It seemed a bit weird. My ear-drop fell and one of the dancers she greets me by turning around, bent over, and lifted my ear-drop and handed to me very politely and smiling.

  I can’t run someone the wrong way because of my fault to regret my errors. It’s much to be regretted that why should I always picking a quarrel with her (Sandra) even when I know she is the one who closest to me. That’s why I just grabbed her around the waist and yanked as hard as I could and that lashed her into a fury. That was for a moment, then just like stretching a rubber band or pulling taffy; she yelled so loud the most vicious thunderstorm lashed here that I could ever see. I fell like a solid thing storms heating its way across the water towards me. Not even its hem fluttered. It seemed as deep as sullen quarry water in my head. For a moment, I moved backwards. I had to have one more look at the situation seemed like smoking across the sullen flat mirror to her face.